Journey to be a MASTER.....

Assalamualaikum....sabahulkhair..

Dah subuh semuanya? Hmm,di pagi hari ni,i memenungkan diri thinking bout life. One of it is about my studies.

Quite sure dat i've mentioned somewhere in this blog that i've submitted my thesis back in january..2nd january 2013 to be exact.

However.....,until this very day,i'm still waiting for my viva voce.btw,viva is the oral examination regarding the research work done and the thesis submitted.

Haihhhhh......it's almot 5months kot! kang ku katakan sesetengah pihak tak efficient,marah pula... ku katakan sesetengah pihak tak bertanggungjawab sebab keep procastinating their task of examining my thesis before the viva,sentap pula..

Dah la the research journey was not that 'cheerful'.byk juga drama airmata and pancaroba...

Dah submit pun banyak pula ceritanya.nasib badan....

Well,i believe dat Allah has plan for me.maybe things will be better for PhD,insyaALLAH..

I nekad,i will try my very best to complete my phd in 3years time..fresh start,new spirit,insyaAllah...

ganbatte farahiyah chan!!! fatin,faris..,doakan mama tau!!

The Price That I Have to Pay...

*Note : this post was written on 20th may,tapi tak dan nk meng'publish'kannya..hehe..* Assalamualaikum u'ols...,   today i brought faris for his 2nd month jab at a clinic nearby our house. Ok,i admit,we were a bit late.almaklumla,orang beranak kecik,macam-macam lah halnya..   when we reached the clinic,they were a lot of people waiting already.so i stopped at the counter to register,but they were one more patient was registering at that time.Since the patient before me *at the registration counter* took quite some time to register and faris was restless n it's hard for me to handle him with one of my hand holding the card and carrying my large handbag *note: once u have children,it is advisable to have a bigger handbag for baby stuff storage purpose..hahaha*,i just signaled the nurse that i will leave my card there n plz do anything necessary to get faris name in the que.   Took one of the seat and tried to calm faris down.alhamdulillah,he settled down eventually. 1 hour passed,we were still not being called.faris started to feel uncomfortable.luckily i did brought my nursing cover along,so i breastfed him there..he was calm and fell asleep. I kept changing the position of holding him since lenguh bahu and tangan dukung with 1 position for a long time. Not long after that,we were called to weigh and measure his height.  Patutlah lenguh betul bahu mama ni dik oi,your current weight is 6.2kg! Kus semangat anak ku... His height is 60cm.. Alhamdulillah,my bujang teruna membesar bagaikan juara...   Then we waited to see the doctor.2 hours passed,still,no call. Haiyo..... Tangan dah tak terasa ni. Kebas dah... Perut pun dah lapar. Faris was not rili sleeping after the weighing session.. Guess dia marah since his sleep was interrupted earlier. Tried to breastfeed him once again,dia dah tak mau dah.. Maybe he wasn't feeling cmfortable feeding under the cover dalam keadaan dia tak selesa camtu...penat tak dapat baring betul-betul maybe..   So he started to on his siren,and both of us suddenly became the main attraction among the patients.semua org tengok i dok memujuk org bujang ni..yang lebih memalukan,i pakaikan romper 'superman' hari ni.jadi memang memalukan lah bila 'superman' mama ni menangis sampai bergegar klinik sebab tak selesa je..huhuhuhu...camano nak selamatkan dunia ni..hehe...   Finally,we were called.the doc apologized for the wait.it took only 5 min to take the shot and of course,my superman was crying like been severely abused lah sbb kena jab tu.so i rushed to the payment counter to settle the bill.so boleh rushing to the car and turn on the aircond and breastfeed faris.    The nurse said,'100'...   I was shocked. Hah?? 100?? Oh mannnnn.... I had only rm60 cash in my purse.. Where the hell am i going to find another 40 at  that time.. There's no atm nearby. And unluckily, they don't accept credit card nor debit card.. Padan muka sendiri, tak buat research what is the cost for 5 serangkai shot. Masa 1month hari tu, kena RM55 je.. Including ubat selsema untuk Fatin sekali.. Kali ni, without medicine, kena RM100.. So dengan muka kesian, i told the kakak that i only had 60 cash... That kakak smiled and said, 'tak apa,nanti bayar balance ptg karang...'   waduh,waduh...kalut sungguh la..with faris crying like a baby *nasib baik dia mmg baby,hehe* and cash tak cukup nak settle bill! I think,people that see me over there will feel pity for me.mcm ibu tunggal yg sungguh kasihan gitu...hahaha....   I quickly brought faris to the car and breasfed him.barulah dia minum dgn tenang.sambil tu i termenung memikirkan nasib and pikir atm mana i nak bawak my cranky son untuk withdraw duit langsaikan hutang dgn klinik,plus,kat mana nak beli makanan *selepas withdraw duit*.... Kalau call enche suami soh hanta duit pun,tunggu dia dtg dari pj nun,mcm buang masa je.nak singgah atm,dlm keadaan faris tengah mood tak baik tu wasn't rili a good idea.   finally,dgn rasa berat hati,i call my ayah.actually,if possible,i don't want to trouble my parents with my problem.dah nak masuk 3series pun,masalah kecik-kecik tak leh nak setel sendiri..harapkan mama n ayah.  Tapi nak buat camano,tadi kes darurat.hahaha..so,my dad lah yg me'rescue'kan saya dari berhutang dgn klinik dan mengisi perut yang dah masuk angin kelaparan...hahaha... Kalau ingat-ingat,memang malu..Well,that's the price that i have to pay for being a mother..betapa tak larat,betapa tak selesa menunggu bukan main lama dengan gendong a cranky baby seberat 6.2kg,betapa malu duit tak cukup nak settle bill,betapa lapar,perut tak berisi,demi anak,redah juga lah... Superman debab mama...

Loads of love, 

* Farah Jasni*

Mother of 2..

Assalamualaikum u'ols...

Alhamdulillah,after almost 2months plus menumpang at my parents',last 3weeks we were back home to our lil hut.

Now that we are staying at our home,maknanya start lah my life as mama of 2.memang lah sejak faris was born,i dah ada 2 anak.but,menguruskan 2 anak sendiri,secara teknikalnya,belum lg.since at my parents',i got a lot of help and support frm my family masa staying at my parents' house..

Bila i mandi contohnya,mama or ayah ada tolong tengokkan anak-anak kot si adik menangis ke,or si kakak nak apa-apa ke..and all these while since i bersalin,ayah yg pick up fatin from school every evening.

So sekarang, semua kena buat sendirian berhad. Penat, memang penat. Fatin ada karenah dia, Faris pun ada karenah dia. House chores lagi. By 930pm tu, memang I dah melepek dah merehatkan badan. Hahaha.. But so far, so good. Alhamdulillah. Kalau orang lain boleh manage, takkan I tak boleh pulak. Mahu tak mahu, kena adjust lah..

Among the interesting experience is driving with 2 children on board. Sejak Faris lahir, memang I dah surrender kerja hantar and pick up Fatin from school. Pagi, Enche suami yang hantar, and petang, my Ayah pick her up. But now that we are no longer staying at Atok's house, takkan nak susahkan Atok lagi jemput Fatin dari sekolah. And since Enche Suami selalu sampai lambat, jadi, sayalah yang harus menjemput anak dara itu dari sekolah. Kenalah diangkut si baby ini sekali.  Hari pertama, debar-debar juga. Takut Faris meragam dalam kereta. Syukur, ok je.. Kedua-dua anak behave.

Alhamdulillah, Fatin's car seat masa baby dulu still good to be used. Jadi, ada 2 lah car seat dalam Myvi kami yang comel tu. Haha..Satu adik punya, satu kakak punya. Kalau nak bergerak 4 beranak, ngam-ngam choi je tempat duduk. Ayah drive, Fatin dekat car seat sebelah ayah jadi co-driver *kunun*, Mama & adik duduk belakang. Amekaww, dah macam tin sardin.. Haha.. Tak apa, ada rezeki kita beli kereta besar, InsyaAllah.

Siang, at home dengan Faris, I buat kerja rumah masa Faris tidur. Dia tidur, lari jap, kot nak masak ke, sidai baju ke, sapu rumah ke. Ada sehari tu, I masak dua jam! Sebab Faris meragam. Masak sikit, tutup api, entertain dia dulu. Pastu sambung, pastu lari balik layan Faris. Akhirnya, selepas 2 jam, baru selesai masak. Belum masak rendang lagi tu nox.. Hahaha..

Kebetulan sekarang, I tengah train Fatin for potty training. Yeah, it was a bit late to start... Huhuhu.. Masa pregnant dah start sikit-sikit. Tak larat.. Sekarang dah bergerak aktif, baru start secara hard core. And school pun dah start train. Jadi during weekends, I sambung je.. So far so good. But tipulah kalau no accident at all. Ada sehari tuh, I had to mop rumah 3 kali! Nasib baik rumah den sekangkang kera je.. Itu pun lenguh pinggang!

Alamak, semobyan telah berbunyi.. Got to go.. 

Bye.. Wassalam...

Tanggal 13 Mei...

 Assalamualaikum..

Apa khabar u'ols? Harap semuanya baik-baik sahaja.

In this post, I would like to keep one of my bitter memories.. I lost my beloved nenek on 13th of may 2013.

It's been 7 days now, but the pain of losing her is still felt... *in fact my tears are falling right now while i'm typing.. :( *

She was admitted to the hospital on Friday (10th of may) for severe dehydration. a day before she had diarrhea and high fever. I went to visit her on Friday and Saturday evening. Did not go to the hospital on Sunday. Since it was not rili convinient to bring 2 children (and 1 of them is a baby) along to the hospital frequently. So I decided not to go on Sunday, but planned to visit her on Monday instead. Since Fatin will be sent to school, so i just need to bring Faris along and can asked for Mama's help to look after Faris for a while, while I go upstairs visiting nenek.

Who knows, the plan didn't work out, since nenek passed away on Monday morning before I had the chance to execute the plan.. And it is sooooo regrettable. Ralatnya terasa sampai hari ni.. Allah hu akbar..

Even worse, she went, when we were given a hope that nenek's condition was better on the day before. I was told that she was getting better on Sunday *since I didn't visit her*. She could talk, she made jokes, she laughed. 
And the very next day, she went to meet the Creator. At the moment that I least expected. I thought she's gonna be okay. She will be released from the hospital soon.. She kept saying that she wanted to go home.
'Nak balik..', she said.
And who knows, she was actually wanting to go back to the Creator..  

I was very closed to nenek. In fact, all 9 of us (my siblings and my cousins). She took care of us when we was young, even after we grew up. She was like a parent to us. And her sudden lost do hurt all of us much.

Ya Allah, 

Aku pohon, rahmati nenek ku..

Selamatkan dia daripada seksaan dan azab kubur dan api neraka,

sesungguhnya dia seorang hamba Mu yang baik budi pekerti, penyayang dan sangat mengasihani,

sesungguhnya dia seorang wanita dan ibu yang tabah, membesarkan anak-anak seorang diri tanpa adanya seorang lelaki bernama suami,

dia pernah menderita dan terseksa di dunia, namun dia tetap sujud dan percaya segalanya adalah ujian daripadaMu tanda kasih dan sayang Mu pada dia..

maka aku pinta Ya Allah, ringankan deritanya, permudahkan 'hidup'nya di alam sana..

Amin... Ya Rabbal Alamin..

Nenek, 
Along sayang nenek sangat-sangat. Baik-baik di sana ye. InsyaAllah, doa kami, anak-anak dan cucu-cucu mu takkan putus dari sini buat nenek... InsyaAllah, diizinkan Tuhan, kita bertemu di syurga nanti ye, Amin....

Fatin Amani, Faris Rusydi, ini Unyang kalian. Salah seorang wanita yang paling Mama sayang dalam dunia ni. Semoga kita dapat bertemu Unyang semula di syurga kelak, InsyaAllah..

  

Loads of love, 

* Farah Jasni*